Serious Shits

This will be the penultimate blog entry. (I always wanted to use the word 'penultimate' in a sentence and be completely serious.) I'll do one last one when I get home or soon after. It feels really strange to say that. Seeing it in writing makes it real. I'm crying a little in an internet cafe.

I think I'm going to continue writing, but it won't be Robin in Africa, because I won't be in Africa any longer. I'm going to need a new blog for After Africa. I'm currently thinking of a good title (or waiting for Megan to think of a good title).

Some statistics:
Total days in Bots = 105
Pictures of lions = 77
National Parks Visited = 3
Total pictures = 1523
Species of antelope seen = 9
Length of ISP (pages) = 25
Attempts at playing cricket = 2
Nights at Sedia = 32
Weeks of homestays = 6
Holes Chewed in tent by ants = 6
Baskets = 7
Weeks of hair growth = 11 1/2
Times legs were shaved = 0
Baths taken in bucket = 26
Courses of Cipro = 2
Places Stayed = 12 (Mokolodi, Lolwapa [Gabs], Otse, Gabs, Toro Lodge [Kasane], Sedia [Maun], Shorobe, Sepopa [Okavango], Xakanaxa [Moremi], Kaziikini, Shacks Bungalow [Maun], Planet Baobab)
Places played frisbee = 8
Mountains climbed = 2
Sunsets photographed = 4
Species photographed and identified = 38
Length of ISP presentation (minutes) = 25

"Feel the rhythm,
Feel the rhyme,
Get on up
It's bobsled time."

We watched Cool Runnings last night. I'm so not ready for snow.

ISP presentations are FINISHED. Re feditse. School's over. Winter break.

It's strange to be back in Gabs. There are too many people who are moving too fast ("I've got a singular impression things are moving too fast"). I'm not used to big-city life. There are traffic lights. Oh man, I'm so not ready for New York.

This morning began dis-orientation (re-entry briefing).

I can't wait to see my computer.

I've realized how much of an advantage I have over my classmates because of my blog. I don't have to tell the stories from start to finish to everyone at home. They already know the stories. We can skip right to the "what do you think about that?" I don't fear a failure to convey the same image of Botswana that I saw because I've been doing so for the last 3 1/2 months. I don't have to summarize it in a few minutes.

Mmmmm sushi.

We were told that our family and friends will worry about us coming home with strange diseases, so I'm going to say this now: I will get sick when I get home. It will be cold, I will be tired, and I will get a cold or the flu. I will have a stomachache from the change in food and water. I do not have malaria, or ebola, or anything like that. Leave me alone.

I've got a new self-confidence that I really want to bring home with me. I like being able to say what I feel and acknowledge my thoughts to myself and others.

I think I'm going to have trouble adjusting to the Roslyn pace of life. I like this moving slowly. I like the idea that you should stop and talk to people you see because that is more important at that moment than wherever you are going to be in the near future. I like measuring my day in terms of breakfast, lunch, dinner, class, sleep, etc., as opposed to what it says on my watch (which I don't even wear).

It'll also be strange to feel ordinary. I won't be the only white person around. There will be so many white people. Men will not stop me on the street to propose marriage. People will not stare at me, so I will not be able to stare back. And I can't "dumela" any black people I see. They will get offended.

I will miss my friends within the group. If you are an SITer who is reading this after you've gotten home, give me a call. Send me an email.

Our discussion this morning brought forth tears and laughter. I laughed until I cried. I cried until I laughed. The following comments from my classmates that kind of sum up my thoughts right now:

Something we've all agreed we learned is to appreciate diversity, even within a small context. If we all went to school together, we'd probably never have been friends with each other. It's not about me fitting in with new people, it's about seeking new people and not hiding behind walls because of preconceived notions.

Also, there are some things about me that have changed, but there are some things that won't change, and that's okay.

I fear not living up to other people's expectations of how I've changed or not changed, I fear resenting these expectations, and I fear resenting people for having these expectations.

I fear feeling left out of all the things that continued while I was away.

I have to choose carefully who I share exciting stories with; not everyone will appreciate them.